2010, the year of our Lord.

To put it nicely, the year 2010 SUCKED. I, personally, haven’t had a year this crappy since the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers got cancelled in 1995. But enough about me and my sad life… Since I’m in such a GREAT mood, let’s look at some of the GREAT music that came out this year, shall we? (Please note: sarcasm).

Crappiest Albums of the Year:

Oh, Amy Grant… I used to love this woman. Seriously, I loved her… up until she cheated on her husband. The song “Baby, Baby” is still one of my all time favorites. However, she put out a new album this year called Somewhere Down the Road, and I will not be wearing out any of those songs like I did back in the day. What’s that I smell, Amy Grant? Retirement? I think so. I think that retirement is the only thing that you can see “Somewhere Down the Road.” This is how I remember her:





3OH!3 is just a bunch of tools. Judging by that jacked up hand symbol that they use for themselves, I think it’s pretty obvious that everything that they will ever put out is going to be terrible.

But, let’s dive into this one too. One of the singles from the album Streets of Gold is called “Touchin’ on My.” …Really?! These guys need to stop. Don’t they know that their audience is going to be primarily little girls who think they’re cute? I don’t think they need a step-by-step instruction manual on sex education. These guys are nasty. I really hope that parents have enough sense to not let their children listen to this horrid music.





Once again, every time I see Drake, I see Jimmy in the wheelchair from Degrassi. I do NOT see a music artist. I’ve only heard one song from this album, Thank Me Later, and it’s the really obnoxious one called “Find Your Love.” I don’t want to hear the rest of the album if it’s going to sound like this song. That’s right, I judged this album before giving it a full chance. I just couldn’t take one more line of “I betta find yo lovin’/I betta find yo heart.”






Let’s also just include every album that’s represented in NOW That’s What I Call Music: Volume 36. This includes Katy Perry, Sugarland, Adam Lambert, and Daughtry. They’re all pretty terrible. (Note: I do not include Sara Bareilles or Maroon 5 in this. I like them- I don’t LOVE them, but they’re not completely rotten.)




Miley Cyrus, on the other hand, is completely rotten… Spoiled rotten, that is. Can’t Be Tamed came out this summer along with the title track and a really weird video. I didn’t even think the video for that song was as scandalous as the media made it out to be, I just thought it was weird… Like MGMT weird. And if you’ve ever seen an MGMT video, you know what I’m talking about. What is she? A sexy bird? Birds aren’t sexy. Birds are nasty, and they use the bathroom wherever they feel like it, and it’s usually on an innocent passerby or ancient statue. Birds are rude. I’ve also never thought of “taming” a bird. I guess that doesn’t really matter because Miley Cyrus is a bird, and she can’t be tamed. That’s what I got from this song. It’s really bad, you guys. Her cover of Poison’s overplayed song “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” is really bad, too. Do yourself a favor, and just don’t listen to her music unless she’s wearing a blonde wig and answers to the name “Hannah Montana.” Life is better that way… because nobody’s perfect. Sorry, I had to.





Lastly, I’ve ranted about Kesha before, and I’ll rant about her again. I don’t even want to put the dollar sign in her name because I feel like she isn’t even worth the extra keystroke it takes to put it in there. I think she really just made me angry whenever she said that one of her influences was Bob Dylan. She wins the crappiest album of the year for her album, Animal, for obvious reasons:
1.) She wrote this lyric: “I’m talking about - everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys trying to touch my junk, junk”
2.) She has a song with 3Oh!3… and it’s called “Blah Blah Blah.” Enough said.
3.) In the previously mentioned song, she wrote this lyric: “Wanna put a little love in my glovebox.”
4.) She feels like P. Diddy when she wakes up in the morning, then BRUSHES HER TEETH WITH WHISKEY. If I felt like P. Diddy in the morning, I would not be brushing my teeth with whiskey. I’d totally be brushing my teeth with toothpaste… You know, like NORMAL people.
5.) She’s dirty… I feel like Kesha would stink. She’s always talking about her nasty ways, and in “Take it Off,” she even says that she’s dirty. I don’t mean ‘dirty’ in a sexy way, either. I mean it in a she-needs-to-take-a-bath kind of way.


See?


Anyway, I feel like I’ve gotten dumber since I started talking about these people, so there were better albums than this that were released this year.

Contra- Vampire Weekend
http://www.vampireweekend.com/

Brothers- The Black Keys
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnSdjIpMVsc

Suburbs- Arcade Fire
http://www.arcadefire.com/

Infinite Arms- Band of Horses
http://www.bandofhorses.com/us/holiday-sale

This is Happening- LCD Soundsystem
http://www.myspace.com/lcdsoundsystem

Halcyon Digest- Deerhunter
http://www.myspace.com/deerhunter

Together- The New Pornographers
http://www.thenewpornographers.com/


…and so many more! These were just the first ones that came to mind. Check them out. What were your favorite albums of the year? Which terrible albums did I leave out that should have been included?